Well, this is my first blog. I don’t know if anyone would want to read it or not, but who cares? I’m not about that. I just need to take out my frustrations on my fingertips and keyboard so let’s get started shall we?
SportsNation, a new TV show that has been around for all of a month and a half, is a sports show. That’s about it, really. 60% of it’s content is made up of fans opinions/questions/etc. if Wikipedia is to be believed. It’s an hour long show consisting of polls, “weird web stories”, and a bunch of other segments. Really, that’s it. They talk about sports what else do you need to know?
It’s hosts are Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd, two sports journalists. (If you’re this far in and are still trying to find the theme, it’s “sports”) They both have this sort of weird chemistry, almost like they like their job. It’s weird, right? Here you are working an 8:00 – 5:00 day for 6 days and you turn on the TV and see people enjoying their job? “Fuck that”, you say. Well, “fuck you”, I say. They’re great together (not to make it sound too weird or anything). They’re a real break from those puppets over at SportsCenter. Seriously, check it out if you’re an avid sports fan. I rate it 9 stars/5 stars. You can find more info in the link that I will put in later*
This show has been my one of my only sources for TV entertainment (Things not so recently crossed off that list are “Scrubs” and that’s it). Really, all I watch now is anything on ESPN/ESPN2 and the occasional “The King of Queens” rerun. Because I’m a man. And men like sports and do manly things like grunt, and lift weights, and not talk about feelings.
Anyway over this past month I’ve become aware that SportsNation is as reliable as a 12 cent hooker. Doing un-awesome things like moving the times around without sending me a memo or just taking the day off. Even more recently the show is being bumped by tennis, the fucking Little League World Series, and other things that qualifies as shit nobody cares about.
In all seriousness, I’m glad little Adrian is doing well in baseball. I’m glad he’s going to make the nationals. What I’m not glad about is having your kid’s 11 year old baseball game on big named networks (such as ESPN, if you’re SLOW). I don’t see why this is such a big fucking deal. When I was 9 my little league team came in first place in my league. I got a trophy and everything, but not even my parents gave 2 flying shits.
And here these kids are bumping my favorite shows. And if you watch one of these games, for the sole reason you’re waiting for your show to come on when it should have been on 27 minutes ago, the stadiums are friggin’ packed. There are more people attending these games than the San Diego Padres (not that that’s saying much).
I don’t see why these kids can’t be on a local network or something. “But, Jimmy” cried the rebutalling masses, “these kids are aspiring to their dreams. Can’t you sympathize for the relatives that aren’t fortunate enough to see these games in first person?” In short: No. In long: No, and come closer so I can smack you because my name isn’t “Jimmy”.
So here comes the sole reason for making this rant. Today on the show, breaking the commercial break, a poll came up with the question “Where will SportsNation be aired for all of next week?” Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t I mention that during commercial breaks the show itself takes a break of the commercials and has a poll? I didn’t? Well too bad! If you were cool like me you would be watching the show, you would already know that.
I’m sitting there with my 7 girlfriends while eating rusty nails, and I screamed (err, I mean grunted) in agony as I saw the poll answers. The answers were something along the lines of:
A. ESPN2
B. Some other station I’ve never heard of
C. ESPNews
D. Verge (I don’t know what that is, either)
My eyes scampered across the screen. Looking at the answers, and for a brief moment looking at Michelle’s tits. Looking at the answers again, I waited to see which one was the correct one, hoping that they were just fuckng with their audience. Apparently I was wrong. ESPNews was kept highlighted on the screen. “Oh, woe is me”, I cried (I mean, yelled. In a manly, gravel voice) “Why would they want to do such a terrible thing?” I followed up with.
It wasn’t until the very end of the show that I realized who my enemy was.
“Check us out next week on ESPNews, DON’T forget,” Michelle said. “We’re being bumped next week from a cable channel to a digital channel that alienates about 40%(lol 4 made up numb3rz) of our viewing audience because of the little cunts at the Little League World Series.” she continued.
So now all of next week I will have to go without my favorite show because I’m not white enough to afford digital cable. Instead I will have to print out pictures of Michelle and Colin’s faces, and paste them over the faces of Neil Everett and Chris McKendry at SportsCenter. I’ll also have to make up the dialogue. I could make the polls, too. But then I’d have to cut out clothes for Michelle from my new “Victoria’s Secret”. I mean my new “Sports Illustrated” and “Lumberjack Monthly”. Actually, this could be a fun little self-project. I could probably keep myself entertained for a week.
…
Either I’ll do that or I’ll call my grandmother right now and tell her there are a lot of burglaries going on lately and I could steal her cable box when she passes out from her medicine.
…
I still have time to think about it.
PS: I’m also sick of seeing plays from the Little League World Series on SportCenter’s “Top 10”. They make plays that any minor leaguer can make and no one even gives a second look at. Yeah, they’re like 12 years old and all that tired shit, but don’t try that on me because it doesn’t affect my apparently cold and black heart.
PSS: Here’s that link I said I’d put in
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